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The SeaThe Sea
It calls to me at night—the sea
Crashing waves belt out
Their peaceful song
Sandy shores along murky depths
My cold heart warms to the soothing chorus
Calming the roaring inside my soul
Forever, LoveDarkness swirls from past regrets
But new hope shines through the murky depths
as I try to muster the courage to be
The kind of woman you need me to be
My heart is raw and open
Bleeding on the floor
But with you it’s like it’s not so broken
At least until the pain restores
But love, you should know I want to
Be that kind of lady
The kind that can make it through
Your love it fills me
Restoring me and stitching
Together the tattered remains once more
Without you, love, I fear
I would not even be
Much less here
So love, my life and my love
Will be forever yours
This I swear
AvoidanceI've avoided these words for months...
Because you are not even worth the pain seared words I write...
But I am slave to my heart so I have no choice
But lay them out before you
Look at what you did to me
I hate that now my words are stuck in my chest
Lodged and hard to swallow like a sticky sweet gob of caramel
I hate that now I can't write without pain
Without remembering you
Now my lungs fill with acid at the thought of you and my
Heart burns with the need for air and I can't breathe
Can't move, can't think, can't dream
Without the reminder that you existed
And totally ripped my beautiful heart into a million pieces
"You're not worth the distance anymore"
Well you're not worth the words I am writing
The pain I am feeling.
You are not worth the tears I cried or the lies I told
You are the one who left me
Broken and bleeding and
I hate you
Hate you for what you did to me
What was once beautiful and vibrant is now broken
And ugly shattered and irreplaceable
I HATE what you made me and
LuminescenceLost in deep pools of gray blue moonlight
The wind chill reaches for me
But cannot go beyond this warmth
The light pours through the trees
Brushing my skin breathing life into
Me once again
The forest floor damp beneath me
Seeps through my socks into my bones
But yet I feel warm
The moonlight trapped within my pores
From the night before
This light fills me
Every time I think or dream
That I carry with me despite
This harsh chill
I’m not afraid of winter’s sting or
The night’s darkness reaching for me again and again
I know your light will fade soon enough
And then I’ll seek you out once again
I promise I won’t leave you alone
Your light ever glowing
Keeping my heart shining bright
Colors of ChangeAs I stand outside the dew covered window pane,
And look into a world I will never be a part of again.
I try to remember a happier time.
A time where warm hugs and mugs of hot chocolate
Would be waiting
After a cold day outside raking leaves and forming them into piles to jump in.
But that time is over.
And I am out here in the cold,
Never to feel that warmth again
Trapped among the bare trees their branches
Stripped of color and their bark hanging loose
My hand reaches for the latch that would bring me,
Closer to you,
But my fingers pass right through
And they tremble for I have forgotten.
I am nothing more than a chilly breeze on a cold autumn’s night.
Those times of warmth and joy are over,
So I lay here covered in a thin layer of frost.
And wait for the change to be over
So I too may disappear,
In hopes of seeing you one last time
I breathe onto my palm and
Touch the frost covered glass…
Shedding SkinEvery morning I watch Mommy put on her face
She tells me the world likes her this way
But every evening when no one is around
And Mommy thinks I’m safe and sound in bed
I watch her peal back
The layers she built with care
So no one would see what’s really under there
Her skin is all battered worn and thin
Her eyes sunken in her head
Hair hangs loose
Teeth stained yellow
The woman that looks back
Cannot possibly be
The mother who takes care of me
She gives a small sob
And then turns around
To see my pale little face broken with a frown
Her head hangs in shame
And I rush to her side
Saying, “Mommy you don’t have to hide”
I know those layers protects you from the pain
But with me
Here and now
You don’t have to be ashamed
You don’t need to pretend
In here were safe from the
World’s prying eyes
In here we don’t have to hide
WavesI cannot control them
When they come for me
I fear I cannot tell you why
They are a mystery
These feelings they roil, twist and churn
Until my insides there is nothing left
The ruins they leave in their wake
Are nothing compared to the ache
In my heart
Caused by so many confusing waves
That you leave behind
They tell me I can stop it
But how can I?
When you are the one to have caused this
You did this
You broke me
And I cannot help these feelings I am having
Because in the end
I am only a victim
To my own heart’s waves
MonsterIt’s ugly everyone hates it
So they hide it away and hope to
Praying it goes away
But what they don’t know is that
It sits there scheming
Up new ways to wreak havoc
New ways to hurt
Those fools didn't think the monster
Their hated eyes boring into its flesh
Searing their pain and sins into him
What they don’t know is they created him
With their greed, lies and hate
Turning him into something grotesque
It won’t matter if you lie about it because
In the end
The monster within
Know the real you
How to be Populardon’t talk
go to parties
listen to friends
go with the flow
drink some more
don’t let them see the tears
as you cry yourself to sleep
for the most important thing
is to be popular
Forgiveness takes twoThe words are struggling
to tumble off my tongue,
and despite having
a fleshy cushion
to rest on,
they stain my teeth
and sting like acid
"I'm sorry," I stutter,
but the bitter taste
doesn't leave my tongue-
not because the words weren't true,
but because I know
I won't hear,
Mommy Is A Super HeroMommy Is A Super Hero
Standing before his class, he held his tiny report,
“Who is your super hero?” Was written in yellow chalk on the green board.
Exhaling his breath, the curly haired boy closed his little eyes,
“Don't be ashamed of yourself” His mother's words rung in his ears, “And don't ever cry.”
He began to read aloud, with a shaky voice.
to his class, he told his mother's story.
At age fifteen, she was a beauty queen,
the most beautiful girl in all of the world.
She flaunted her silky hair, bore her bare legs,
prided her breast. The boys treated her like she was a treasure chest.
They respected her rules, they “looked, but didn't touch”,
but there was one older man, who from her, wanted too much.
All alone he met her, he approached her in the alley,
and all his mother told him, was that this man had treated her badly.
But what the boy didn't know was that she was taken against her will,
and that two months later, she turned up ext
cenotaph of stormsthe first thunderstorm
was triggered by a blunt pair
of scissors, sparking violently
against the lightning,
shaking in the wind.
the downpour pierced,
tattooed with no ink but
the dark bleakness
of an overcast morning,
infiltrating uniformed wrists.
hid behind the music block,
shaky raindrops rioting
fears, she fractured.
the second storm
wept a two year downpour
outline that dripped from wrist
to hip, sidelong silhouette glances
obscured by the rain.
stalictidal waves shuddered
frozen, until icy glass
fell in stained shards from
the stillness inside.
thinner, brittler, growing
in flurries of sleet and hail,
her outline was never filled,
though the floods threatened
the third thunderstorm
was a mist-ridden melancholia,
a dream for permanence
smeared in ink through
fueled by the hope
that just this once,
the rain would spark a
rebirth beneath the ground.
instead, a tsunami
washed away the ink
as tides so often do.
The sound of silenceThe sound of silence,
Is so deafening,
That it makes my ears ring,
With the cacophony of my own insanity.
Ideationlocked in a room
with only one escape,
or so it seems.
your hands shake and you drop the key.
Suddenly you're unsure.
Do I want to pick it up?
Do I want to find it?
Do I want to leave?
you think to yourself
there's no other choice.
find the key or corrode, or rust
wear down the hinge
use sadness as the key.
You have the answer now.
Just open the door.
Just walk outside and don't look back.
Let yourself leave with no regrets.
And yet you can't.
You're afraid, you think,
but you are actually strong.
Don't run away.
Don't take that leap.
DNAyou are content
because every day
you have the opportunity to
hug both sets of your DNA.
however, i am not content.
half of me is missing
and the other half
is hardly ever here.
Seeking SolaceSeeking Solace
It is peace and bliss
So much so I can never ask for it
Ice and fire two opposites that I desire
I sought it out all my life
Going round and round again
Never sure which way to turn
And when I realize how alone I really I am I cannot help but
Be thankful for the silence
This never ending dance makes me wonder
Does anyone truly wish for solace?
Red Riding HoodI want to believe people so badly when they say they won’t bite
that I contemplate climbing into their smiling jaws
thinking that it might be better to be split in two than left hanging.
But always, I draw my red hood and flit back into the forest
running in the shadows of pathways, never stepping into clearings
because I’ve spent my whole life in the wilderness
and I still can’t tell the wolves from the woodsmen.
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