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AvoidanceI've avoided these words for months...
Because you are not even worth the pain seared words I write...
But I am slave to my heart so I have no choice
But lay them out before you
Look at what you did to me
I hate that now my words are stuck in my chest
Lodged and hard to swallow like a sticky sweet gob of caramel
I hate that now I can't write without pain
Without remembering you
Now my lungs fill with acid at the thought of you and my
Heart burns with the need for air and I can't breathe
Can't move, can't think, can't dream
Without the reminder that you existed
And totally ripped my beautiful heart into a million pieces
"You're not worth the distance anymore"
Well you're not worth the words I am writing
The pain I am feeling.
You are not worth the tears I cried or the lies I told
You are the one who left me
Broken and bleeding and
I hate you
Hate you for what you did to me
What was once beautiful and vibrant is now broken
And ugly shattered and irreplaceable
I HATE what you made me and
LuminescenceLost in deep pools of gray blue moonlight
The wind chill reaches for me
But cannot go beyond this warmth
The light pours through the trees
Brushing my skin breathing life into
Me once again
The forest floor damp beneath me
Seeps through my socks into my bones
But yet I feel warm
The moonlight trapped within my pores
From the night before
This light fills me
Every time I think or dream
That I carry with me despite
This harsh chill
I’m not afraid of winter’s sting or
The night’s darkness reaching for me again and again
I know your light will fade soon enough
And then I’ll seek you out once again
I promise I won’t leave you alone
Your light ever glowing
Keeping my heart shining bright
Colors of ChangeAs I stand outside the dew covered window pane,
And look into a world I will never be a part of again.
I try to remember a happier time.
A time where warm hugs and mugs of hot chocolate
Would be waiting
After a cold day outside raking leaves and forming them into piles to jump in.
But that time is over.
And I am out here in the cold,
Never to feel that warmth again
Trapped among the bare trees their branches
Stripped of color and their bark hanging loose
My hand reaches for the latch that would bring me,
Closer to you,
But my fingers pass right through
And they tremble for I have forgotten.
I am nothing more than a chilly breeze on a cold autumn’s night.
Those times of warmth and joy are over,
So I lay here covered in a thin layer of frost.
And wait for the change to be over
So I too may disappear,
In hopes of seeing you one last time
I breathe onto my palm and
Touch the frost covered glass…
Shedding SkinEvery morning I watch Mommy put on her face
She tells me the world likes her this way
But every evening when no one is around
And Mommy thinks I’m safe and sound in bed
I watch her peal back
The layers she built with care
So no one would see what’s really under there
Her skin is all battered worn and thin
Her eyes sunken in her head
Hair hangs loose
Teeth stained yellow
The woman that looks back
Cannot possibly be
The mother who takes care of me
She gives a small sob
And then turns around
To see my pale little face broken with a frown
Her head hangs in shame
And I rush to her side
Saying, “Mommy you don’t have to hide”
I know those layers protects you from the pain
But with me
Here and now
You don’t have to be ashamed
You don’t need to pretend
In here were safe from the
World’s prying eyes
In here we don’t have to hide
WavesI cannot control them
When they come for me
I fear I cannot tell you why
They are a mystery
These feelings they roil, twist and churn
Until my insides there is nothing left
The ruins they leave in their wake
Are nothing compared to the ache
In my heart
Caused by so many confusing waves
That you leave behind
They tell me I can stop it
But how can I?
When you are the one to have caused this
You did this
You broke me
And I cannot help these feelings I am having
Because in the end
I am only a victim
To my own heart’s waves
MonsterIt’s ugly everyone hates it
So they hide it away and hope to
Praying it goes away
But what they don’t know is that
It sits there scheming
Up new ways to wreak havoc
New ways to hurt
Those fools didn't think the monster
Their hated eyes boring into its flesh
Searing their pain and sins into him
What they don’t know is they created him
With their greed, lies and hate
Turning him into something grotesque
It won’t matter if you lie about it because
In the end
The monster within
Know the real you
Small Land I Call HomeI look out beyond this castle
Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere out there looking back at me
Is a little village
Full of little people that mean
The world to me
True most wouldn't give it a second thought
Not even a fleeting glance
But to me it is my haven
My purpose for being
Without that little village
These stone walls would be a cage
I wouldn't have anything to look at
My days would drag by endlessly
So think twice before you scoff
At the small land I call home
Without it I would have nothing
Most find that funny when they look at me
But a true King is as good as his people
Without any subjects to rule
Would I really be a King at all?
The False KingI am King
But I do not wish to be
The lands I rule have fallen
To hatred and greed
I am fearful of my subjects
"Me! The mighty King"!
I cower in my towers
Protected by my knights
But even they are not trustworthy
What kind of man am I to sit here?
While they suffer, die, and take
From the less fortunate
The helpless and weak
But it is I who is truly pathetic
I cannot lift a finger
To help these poor people out
For I am too scared
To even venture out
Beyond these walls
They call me King
But what I really am
Is a Prisoner...
Fairy SongFairy Song
A fairy’s song is a mysterious thing
Watched silently by the fate of the night
Never the same
They spill from their lips
And into our hearts
Giving us the gift
Of true insight
They dance in a circle of crimson fire
A circle of light
Feather light touches and steps
This is what makes up the fairy dance
Nymphs flock around them
Singing to the night
Hoping for tomorrow
Fairy wings sparkle by the light
Of the fire
Never same the fairy song
But always singing
For the fate of the night
I am a MouseI am a mouse.
I am quiet, I am nothing.
I am a book that nobody has read.
I am an eclipsed sun and a cloaked moon.
I am irrelevant and unwanted, a broken toy in an attic.
I am the dust in your rear-view mirror that you leave behind.
I am the air that you breathe in and spit out as something different.
I am the palest white. I am the darkest black. I am the dullest, emptiest grey.
I am the old man with forgotten memories and the baby who has yet to make them.
I am a forgotten word, dangling on the tip of your tongue, hanging on the noose of your lips.
I am a dried up stream. I am a felled forest. I am an abandoned cornucopia of resolute nothingness.
And there is Hell burning in my eyes.
PainParalized by the suffering
A shiver down my spine
Images of my past haunt me
No one can save me from this hell
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breathe into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
A void within meAlone on this inhospitable night, once again
I let my memories guide my lost steps,
Wandering amid the ghosts of my past.
As I walk along the quay,
I stare at the feeble Seine flowing:
She's dying by the street lamps' hands
While the whole city asphyxiates.
Reflecting my own lack of humanity
Over the river's lighted surface,
Griefs come and go at the water's rhythm.
Once again, on this breathtaking night,
My feelings are sealed and my chest hollow.
Purple rain, chills of cold.... Or regret? I crave
My musical drug, my remaining salvation,
Spreading a sweet poison within me and
Eroding the remaining happiness I still have.
I plug my headphones...
A grin of relief appears on my weary face,
I flee to lenient lands, where a familiar Angel tucks me in.
These notes of violin split the immutable silence,
Fill the hole in, lit a bonfire to my soul.
This mermaid sings my dreams to me,
i can't keep walking on these dry-rot bonesoh, i am not a poet;
like the ink scratches
of plath, i am
specter boy: decay,
dispose, & disappoint
because this is the way
that writers wane -
(this hangman head is no
survivor story, & gods
do not burn out
you talk like a travestyoh, mercury boy, you can't
write your way out of this
body or out of this mind;
you can pray like it's high-fashion,
insist you're only burning yourself out
(but tell me - do you feel like a god yet?)
if only for murky mirrors &
silver cicadas caught
in your ribcage, you've
got a knack for decaying
The PointIt’s the taste of cake mix on the spoon, that first time you ‘help’ bake a cake.
It’s seeing the bright world afresh after a dark nightmare, when you first wake.
It’s when you make them laugh and, in that moment, everyone loves a clown.
It’s when your heart stops before the roller coaster plummets down, down.
It’s when the lights go out before your favourite band plays and you scream.
It’s that moment you look around and everything’s perfect enough to be a dream.
It’s the anticipation of waiting for a new episode of your favourite television show.
It’s the first time you listen to your favourite record and you just sort of know.
It’s reading a book cover-to-cover and a million times more and still crying at the ending.
It’s the stiff, tight, real feeling of a smiling scab as you watch the wound mending.
It’s when you first meet your best friend and you hate each other (but in a good way).
california wintersthe tears
I rationed have all
run out. Tuesday comes
up behind me and steals
my breath; my cat snores.
she can’t sleep soundly
since she lost her seventh
life. I’m like that, I’m always
worried someone will try to steal
what I’ve already given away.
I miss color. newsprint sobs
washed me out. I am a
blank canvas, I am a faceless,
I am one
of you. I wake up sweating
and it’s winter and I can’t
sleep because my memories
follow me between my sheets;
jake still won’t listen.
we never knew we were the
lucky ones, we scarred, too. don’t
touch me. don’t want
me, don’t bare my bones
when you think I’m not
watching. I’m afraid of
myself. breathing loud
enough that others know
I exist; you follow me,
needing, laughing, it’s
a game. who has lost
the most, we all want
to win; I’m so tired, so scared,
there’s no one in the world
who sees me. I can’t cry.
we’re in a drought.
Seeking SolaceSeeking Solace
It is peace and bliss
So much so I can never ask for it
Ice and fire two opposites that I desire
I sought it out all my life
Going round and round again
Never sure which way to turn
And when I realize how alone I really I am I cannot help but
Be thankful for the silence
This never ending dance makes me wonder
Does anyone truly wish for solace?
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More